exUUberance

So Many Worship Services, So Little Time!

exUUberance@gmail.com (Elizabeth J. Barrett) — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 16:05:00 +0000

Now that experienced minister Rev. Crestwell is at the UU Church of Annapolis, that congregation is second on my list to visit, right after the 11:30 am service in Tulsa, described in "The Gospel of Inclusion." When my spouse read the UU World article aloud to me, we both were excited. "Let's visit Tulsa!" I exclaimed. Sam suggested we go for Christmas. We cannot do that because family is coming here to visit us, but I've got to find the time to go and bask in the joy and praise of Universalism.

An article at the UUA’s website states “Diversity of Ministry Initiative Settles Two New Ministers.” The Rev. John Crestwell is one of the “new ministers” referred to here. As many of us know, Rev. Crestwell was at Davies Memorial UU Church for a number of years. In fact, he is a featured speaker on a DVD called “Listening to Experience” that came out in last April. This DVD features twelve ministers whose congregations have done very well, including Peter Morales, Laurel Hallman and Rob Hardies.

Hearing podcasts of ministers' sermons doesn't do it for me; I don't get a whole lot out of it. No, I want the Entire worship experience, from anticipating being there, finding a parking spot and being greeted at the door all the way through to leaving the grounds. The whole enchilada is the worship service to me. Between working at one church and being a member of another, I already have to juggle and find myself going to 9 am at one & 11 am at the other. This makes it difficult to leave town! Argh. Maybe I will settle for podcasts and reading sermons.

Peace,
Elizabeth

Why Am I Still Afraid To Invite You to My Church?

exUUberance@gmail.com (Elizabeth J. Barrett) — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 17:30:00 +0000

I've been re-reading Michael Durall's new book The Almost Church Revitalized. It is much better than his previous Almost book. In fact, his arguments make a lot of sense to me.

On pages 33-34, Durall outlines "What Membership Should Mean":

Attending Sunday services regularly
Participating in one program each year that deepens your faith
Participating in one outreach or mission project each year
Reaching the 5 to 10% giving level as soon as possible
Telling others about the church

From my perspective, it is easy to accomplish the first four items. It interests me that there is nothing here about "volunteering" to help run the church in any way: no expectation to join a committee, become an usher or any other of the myriad of jobs to do at any church. Maybe this reflects Durall's understanding that members everywhere naturally find a niche where their greatest gift meets the congregation's greatest need.

I have a heck of a time with that last one: Telling others about the church. Lately, I've been telling folks about participating with our Standing on the Side of Love banner in the LGBTQ Pride Parade. Half the time, I've been telling people who would not attend or even watch a Pride Parade. Frankly, I don't want people who are uncomfortable with this to join my congregation! What I don't do well is any kind of "targeted marketing" (so to speak), where I seek out folks who seem to have certain values and tell them about my church. I almost did this recently, but chickened out. My thought was: what if you come but you don't like it? It would be my fault. Clearly, I need to get over this. How do you tell people about your church, society, congregation or fellowship?

What if 3% of the Members speak for All Members?

exUUberance@gmail.com (Elizabeth J. Barrett) — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 02:56:00 +0000

At my huuge congregation of 1,565 members, a "quorum" is 50 -- as long as fifty members sign in at a Parish Meeting, all the decisions made are valid. Fifty has been the quorum for the last 60 years at least, while the congregation has grown steadily from 175 all the way up to 1500 adult book-signed members.

Well, I decided that it is high time to have a discussion about increasing the quorum or, even better, making the number a percentage of our membership. I floated the idea of 10% -- 150 members. Someone immediately mentioned that we would never be able to make a decision if we required that many people! In reality, ever since 300 of us voted to fund our building addition, we've easily had 150 and more at our Parish Meetings. Part of this is just getting smart about scheduling a PM: serving lunch after the second service, then going right into the meeting. None of this 5 pm Sunday-potluck-and-meeting crap. Hardly anyone went to those; in fact, several members of the Board of Trustees didn't even attend.

What do other very large congregations do about this? Many of the decisions at my congregation aren't even put before the membership because we have policy governance. As a matter of fact, our mission changed last year, after needing to be improved for many years. Finally, a whole group of lay leaders collectively brought up the issue of revising our mission two years ago, but it was changed by one person: our senior minister. That's right: he re-wrote it by himself. Mission accomplished!

We members still call ministers and vote for the yearly slate of officers, council chairs and committee chairs. And we would be the ones to amend the by-laws and the Bond of Union.

Elizabeth

Spiritual Practices as a UU University Track

exUUberance@gmail.com (Elizabeth J. Barrett) — Thu, 23 Jul 2009 03:13:00 +0000

I thoroughly enjoyed my UU University track at General Assembly last month. I went to Multigenerational Worship because 1), I didn't know much about it and 2), because the description stated that the material would be presented as four worship services. I absolutely love worship services. We sang, we danced, we learned.

The GA evaluation form asks us to describe programs we would like to see in next year's UU University (six hours of extensive learning about one topic). I think a Spiritual practices track would be terrific because we would have time to learn various practices and try each one. Insight Meditation would be one and perhaps Snowflower Meditation. Movement meditation might be part of it, also, with an adaptation for the differently-abled. Yoga or Qi Gong would be especially good, because both can be done while sitting in a chair. Centering Prayer would be a another type, as described by Thomas Keating. Besides the above, perhaps spiritual journal writing or contour drawing would be great, too.

Good transitions would be essential before going from one practice to the next. Singing, stretching and visiting the restroom are my favorite ways to prepare myself for the next activity.

So, what are the chances that Spiritual Practices becomes a UU University Track? Wait and see....

Blessed be and Amen,
Elizabeth

Abandoned Blog Found at General Assembly

exUUberance@gmail.com (Elizabeth J. Barrett) — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 02:21:00 +0000

I read an article a couple of weeks ago about the millions of Blogs that have been abandoned and decided that I owe it to my reader to get back to exUUberance. Actually, I went to General Assembly in Salt Lake City and brought home many great resources that I've been exploring. My mind has been busy ruminating and will soon formulate a post for you, dear reader.

Elizabeth

Singing Is a Blessing

exUUberance@gmail.com (Elizabeth J. Barrett) — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 21:53:00 +0000

I went to hear Daniel J. Levitin speak awhile back. He wrote The World in Six Songs and This Is Your Brain on Music, neither of which I've read. His talk was inspiring, all about the ways humans communicate emotions through songs . At the end of his talk, we asked questions, of course. The last person to speak lamented the fact that regular people don't get much chance to sing anymore -- that music-making is now done only by professionals. I happened to be sitting in the front row, so Daniel heard me say, "We could sing something right now." And we did! He led us in "If I Had a Hammer"! It was a lot of fun. Right afterwards, people were energized and happy. One woman immediately got on her cell phone to announce: "At the end, we sang 'If I Had a Hammer'!" Several people thanked me for my inspiration.

This experience has stayed with me because I realize how very blessed we church-goers are to have the opportunity to sing every week. Regular folks singing in groups is now so rare that it is counter-cultural. But we get to experience this every weekend. I hadn't thought of our hymn-singing in quite this way before, even though we are a congregation that sings with gusto. I've been told that this is not always the case.

Sing it!
Elizabeth

Sampagne and Leg Wrappers!

exUUberance@gmail.com (Elizabeth J. Barrett) — Sat, 06 Dec 2008 23:44:00 +0000

I was just reading about Personal Slanguage on another blog, referring to slang and made-up terms that enjoy use by a group of friends or family members and sometimes spread wider. I'm glad to know that there is a term for this because I have a couple:

Sampagne -- this is sparkling cider or any type of non-alcoholic champagne. (Martinelli's is one brand.) My spouse Sam does not drink, but loves this stuff. Any time we're having champagne (even at our wedding), we also have Sampagne on hand.

Leg Wrapper -- this refers to something that a woman finds sexy: because it makes her want to wrap her legs around someone. I made this up as a movie review term, so I could clue my girlfriends into date movies, but a book or other media could be a leg wrapper, also.

Cheers,
Elizabeth

Joys & Sorrows for 500 (with Kids)

exUUberance@gmail.com (Elizabeth J. Barrett) — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 03:15:00 +0000

I've been present twice for Joys and Sorrows in our new Atrium Auditorium. Imagine a free-standing candelabra-type structure with ten cups for candles, arranged in a spiral. Two of these, a standing microphone and a minister holding a lit taper worked quite well for our ritual. No more putting candles into a small bowl of sand!

This past Sunday, I shared a joy (so I won't go up again for awhile). It felt great, but the best part was having children participate in Joys and Sorrows with their parents, lighting candles while their parents expressed milestones. Now that children are present during the first part of every worship service, they can get familiar with more of our rituals.

Of course, I heard a rumor that some people are unhappy with children being present. Some are unhappy that we are still doing Joys and Sorrows. I enjoy both and understand their importance to our congregation.

Elizabeth

A big-enough Auditorium

exUUberance@gmail.com (Elizabeth J. Barrett) — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 01:40:00 +0000

My hUUge congregation in Madison finally has a large sanctuary (named the "Atrium Auditorium"). We have 1500 adult members; our new space seats 500 people. So, with the three worship services we have: Hallelujah and come on in! I haven't invited any Madison friends to come to FUS in a very long time -- not for ten years. Every time I wanted to, I would remember all the caveats: you'll need to park a block away and walk, so wear comfortable shoes; we'll try to save you a seat, but if you don't make it by three minutes 'till we will have to give your seat to someone else; if no one speaks to you, it's not that we're unfriendly, we just have a lot of introverts here; after the service, we have fellowship in a long, narrow hallway, so it will be difficult, but if you keep your arms to your sides and stay right behind me, I'll take you to the coffee....

More later,
Elizabeth

Greeting As Ministry

exUUberance@gmail.com (Elizabeth J. Barrett) — Wed, 24 Sep 2008 01:48:00 +0000

I "attended" an online workshop called "Ten Bright Ideas for Getting Your Church Ready for Fall," sponsored by three UUA districts: Central Midwest, Prairie Star and Heartland. Great workshop! The idea I loved the most was the first one: Greeting As Ministry:

Have greeters who see their work as a ministry, not a chore. Ideally, a greeter knows many members by name, is very warm and personable and greets everyone, not just adults. The most crucial time to be friendly is right after the service ends, so have greeters and others continue to greet after the service. Have a Welcoming Team that includes some phantom greeters: members who volunteer to assist with greeting both before and after the service, but are not the "official" greeters.

Great tips, no? For some of us, greeting is fulfilling and fun. I'm an extravert (surprise) and get quite a charge from being that friendly, smiling person who can greet members by name and welcome visitors. The more difficult piece is engaging first-time visitors after the service. I have an easier time when I ask how they felt/what they thought of the worship service and perhaps find out their church background and what they're looking for in a faith community.

I'm a huge fan of the phantom greeter idea, because having a specific role to play can make us more effective: designated phantom greeters will notice new people before and during the service so that they're ready to seek them out afterwards. Maybe a good idea for large congregations would be to have a phantom greeter in each section of the sanctuary? Ideally, this would be in addition to the official section greeter. My hUUge congregation doesn't have those, but some congregations do.

Do any UU congregations give welcome bags with gifts to visitors? Some relatives of ours recently brought home a welcome bag from their visit to a large Episcopal congregation. The bag contained a blessing, several informational flyers and a jar of preserves bought at our farmer's market. Wow! This church has an enormous building with a Cathedral-like sanctuary that was about half-full, my relatives said. I went to a Unity church once that had a tradition of giving first-time visitors flowers. That was wonderful, except that after the service no one spoke to me or my flower!

Autumnal greetings,
Elizabeth

Joys and Sorrows: Controversial!!

exUUberance@gmail.com (Elizabeth J. Barrett) — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 21:19:00 +0000

The topic of Joys and Sorrows came up on the UU Leaders listserv. It seems that congregational experts view J&S as small church behavior that we have got to eradicate if we want growth. Several years back, Stefan Jonasson came to FUS of Madison and announced that we were the largest UU congregation on this continent still doing Joys & Sorrows. It is funny to think of my congregation as this renegade, but we have not had the problems with J&S that other congregations report. In fact, we love it.

It works for us because we have trained lay ministers at the services to respond to folks and offer support after worship in addition to our regular members and (sometimes) ministers. It's crucial that people feel listened to, as we all know. It's even better when people are asked, "What can we do to help you?"

Of course, we also do J&S in such a way as to strongly discourage any acting out. We have many subtle boundaries that keep it contained. We have J&S only once a month, now the fourth Sunday of each month, near the end of the worship service when people are already looking at their watches. A worship leader introduces the time as "a few minutes," "not for announcements or political statements," etc. We have a small bowl of sand and about twelve candles -- that's it!

Everyone who attends knows that we're a HUUGE congregation and knows that we have to keep it short. Folks are careful not to go up too often, because none of us wants to be known as someone who "always" has a J or S. If someone does speak for too long or make an announcement, s/he gets a gentle reminder. Also, many people are not comfortable speaking into a microphone in front of hundreds of people. All these factors mean that people only go up for really big milestones and that we do not have too many J&S -- or at least that's the way it has been in the fifteen years I've been attending.

I've been reading that J&S isn't good in a large congregation because of the intimidation factor. Certainly, all the above factors probably do intimidate some folks who would never go up themselves, but people who don't participate sometimes seek out those who did after the service to say, "I'm going through that, too." And of course, the worship leader always lights one last candle "for all those joys and sorrows that are unspoken, but remain in our hearts and minds." One of our former ministers referred to J&S as "the real stuff of religion." Rev. Darrel calls it the central sacrament of the beloved community.

The truth is that people do feel connected during our monthly ritual, despite our numbers. Most of us choose one of our three services and attend that one and eventually see (at least) a handful of familiar faces every week, so we are not a group of complete strangers for long. First-time visitors sometimes share something, so I know that we're not totally scary to new folks!

Perhaps another reason our way works for us is that the two other Madison UU congregations have J&S also, but every week. So, it seems like a normal thing to do. At James Reeb UU Congregation, we have a long, narrow trough on legs that easily fits twenty candles. (I need to find out the proper name for that thing -- "trough on legs" does not sound quite right!) At Prairie UU Society, they don't use candles, but speak from their seats after being called upon.

For me, J&S is a very meaningful ritual. It was so important to me to announce my engagement during J&S, light a candle of hope (when trying IVF), light one for my brother's brain injury, my sister's illness, my father's lung cancer and death, Sam's heart attack and my fabulous new job. I'm very careful not to go up too often (and my memory is still working well enough that I know when I've been up and whether or not I spoke).

Way back in 1996, I first shared a joy at FUS, about finally being ready -- three years after my cat died -- to get a new kitten. I was finally over the guilt of having my elderly cat (with a thyroid tumor) put to sleep. You know, some folks snickered at me. Yes, I got laughed at by a few men in our congregation. But, after the service a couple tracked me down during coffee to ask about my cat and tell me about the death of their sixteen-year-old feline.

At James Reeb,where I work, I don't feel a need to light a candle. There, my participation is as the administrator, so I'm noting what is happening for people and praying for them or celebrating with them the whole time, rather than thinking of myself. It feels freeing and reminds me that J&S is not really about us as individuals -- it is a way to sense the connections, the God in between us all as we celebrate and mourn together.

Blessed Be and Amen,
Elizabeth

Candlelight Vigils in Support

exUUberance@gmail.com (Elizabeth J. Barrett) — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 01:14:00 +0000

Like many Unitarian Universalists, I went to a candlelight vigil at a local UU congregation this evening to express my sympathy, grief and empathy for the people of the Tennessee Valley UU Church (and some compassion for the shooter).

Safety was a theme at the vigil, how before, we viewed our sanctuary as the safest place, the place where we would be accepted, the place where we could relax. I mean, really relax -- enough to pray, to meditate, to cry, to be vulnerable, knowing the peace of being held by the interdependent web of existence.

Now the web seems to be unravelling. The tragedy occurred in just a few minutes, but now life is forever altered for those grieving and struggling to understand why and how. What about the children who witnessed this violence? How will they make sense of it?

I have so many questions, including: how will this change the way Unitarian Universalists act in the world? As UUs, we're admonished that it is not enough to show up for worship services -- no, we're supposed to be out walking the talk, letting others know where we stand, speaking up for equality and justice. Will we keep doing that, especially those UUs who live in conservative places? Once I heard Rosemany Bray McNatt speak about activism and how some people can be on the front lines, but others cannot. She gave the example of a woman responsible for raising children as someone who cannot afford to be involved in activism that could become threatening.

Except now we know that yesterday morning in Knoxville, being present for a UU service (a children's play, for God's sake) meant being in a life or death situation.

May our faith guide us toward healing as we pray for our fellow UUs,
Elizabeth

Wrestling With Adulthood: UU Men Talk about Growing Up

exUUberance@gmail.com (Elizabeth J. Barrett) — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 02:08:00 +0000

Wrestling With Adulthood: Unitarian Universalist Men Talk about Growing Up is a book of essays, one of which was just published in UU World: "Finding my path..." by Manish Mishra. Mishra really bares his soul in this essay -- I actually felt embarrassed while reading it, as if I should not know such intimate details of this man's life.

Mishra contrasts the certainty he had about his life with his later discoveries, demonstrating how he inadvertently chose both the wrong career and the wrong life partner ("vocation and human connection") when in his early twenties. At the time, of course, he was completely convinced that he was doing the right thing. Does this sound familiar to any of you?

Now, Mishra realizes that he entered into both the career and the partnership without knowing who he was or what he wanted. Perhaps for some of us, we have to choose the wrong things in order to find out what we really do want. Nothing fuels self-discovery like being miserable. It provides such great incentive! But, really, how could anyone possibly make permanent decisions when only twenty years old?

When I was nineteen, I was completely sure I was marrying my life partner. People asked how I was so sure, but my answer was, "When it's right, you know it." That is a line from a beer commercial, I think! In reality, I did not realize at the time why I was drawn to that man. It wasn't for the best reasons. There is a term for relationships in which folks marry young, don't have children, then divorce before they're thirty: the starter marriage.

Some people complain about "extended adolescence" that seems to grip so many of us, but I think it is great. Life expectancy is longer than ever, so waiting until 30 or 35 to become a responsible, settled adult is perfectly reasonable.

Enough of this -- let's play kickball!
Elizabeth

"Now Let Us Sing" -- Finally!

exUUberance@gmail.com (Elizabeth J. Barrett) — Tue, 01 Jul 2008 01:34:00 +0000

Hooray! During the Closing Celebration of General Assembly, we sang "Now Let Us Sing," number 368 in our hymnal Singing the Living Tradition. At the Long Beach GA, Jim Scott tried to teach this during his GA workshop, but he started us out much too slowly (in my opinion) and people didn't catch on. I was disappointed, but you really cannot sing this one slowly. It won't work. So, it was quite a thrill when Sarah Dan Jones led it yesterday. I belted it out at home with my spouse while watching everyone get into it at GA. I hope many of the attendees take it home to sing in their congregations.

"Now Let Us Sing" is one of my very favorite hymns, partly because of its rich history at my congregation. Way back in 2000-01, Madison UUs began to learn number 368, first at James Reeb UU Congregation, then through the young adult group and then during worship services at my congregation. The first time we sang it at FUS, one of our ministers had four printed cards: Faith, Hope, Love and Joy. She held up one card for each verse! We had at least two song leaders, one for each part. After that, we sang "Now Let Us" fairly often for awhile, with only two screw-ups: once someone made the mistake of playing it on the organ and another time only the men got to sing it. Other than that, it's been pure bliss every time. We even sang it as an Energy Break at a Parish Meeting once. And of course, on the busride home from the St. Louis GA!

Anyway, if you don't know "Now Let Us Sing," I highly recommend you give it a try. Sing it fast; sing it often for optimal ecstacy.

Elizabeth

Hands in the Air? General Assembly from Afar

exUUberance@gmail.com (Elizabeth J. Barrett) — Sat, 21 Jun 2008 01:56:00 +0000

I've been watching the live streaming of General Assembly: our annual meeting, conference, convention, celebration and UU Revival. If it weren't for the security restrictions, our lack of funds and my spouse's heart attack, I would want to be there in person!

GA is usually the high point of my year: I revel in Universalism, the hands-in-the-air worship services, spectacularly moving music, huge crowds, great speakers, dancing, singing, connecting with friends and meeting new ones. GA is an extravert's paradise -- each day, I have more energy than the day before as the ecstacy builds, until I shout Hallelujah all the way home!

Certainly, those of us watching on our laptops aren't having that experience, but we can still be inspired and challenged from afar. Plenary II, featuring debate on a business resolution urging us to make a strong commitment to youth and young adult ministry, was outstanding. To hear youth and young adults express their yearnings for belonging, support, guidance and empowerment was thrilling. To hear a few older delegates express their misgivings about the proposed resolution because it didn't include details about how to improve youth and young adult ministry in our congregations was sobering, but familiar.

In the end, I was proud to see a large majority vote for the resolution. What is so wrong about being idealistic, about expressing a vision for the future? I love hearing someone cast the vision. Because once we've got the vision, we can figure out the details ourselves -- the planning and execution of the objectives in our day-to-day church lives.

I don't want those select few who attend GA to tell the rest of us how to do something, but showing us why, giving us a challenging vision for the future is great.

With goosebumps,

Elizabeth

Flower Communion: A UU High Holy Day

exUUberance@gmail.com (Elizabeth J. Barrett) — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 17:21:00 +0000

I attended three different Flower Communions this spring because I love the legacy of Norbert Capek, flowers and our UU rituals. At James Reeb UU Congregation, Rev. Darrel robed for the service, calling Flower Communion one of our "High Holy Days"! He had set up the chairs in the round, with a fabric-covered table in the center, complete with the Chalice, orchids and a few large vases full of water. We took our flowers up and made beautiful bouquets with them, then went up later to take a different flower. Wow! I'd never been to FC at a small congregation before, so didn't realize how creative one can be with the ritual elements.

The other two services were at my hUUge congregation, with choirs singing and the usual benches-facing-the-pulpit setup. But at the Saturday service, ushers sent baskets of flowers around so we could each take one. The usual Sunday thing is for the flowers to just be at the pulpit for folks to take if they want after the service ends, so that dispersing the flowers is not part of the ritual. The services where we took flowers and held and smelled them had more meaning to me, because grasping a flower that represents the beauty and uniqueness of a fellow human is much more profound than gazing at a bouquet from afar. It's important to me for rituals to be participatory -- open to all of us, no matter what.

When I was a little girl, I never liked watching the priest conduct an elaborate ritual to mix himself a drink that only he could have. I don't like unexplained, exclusionary rituals that don't ring true for me. Flower Communion, with its melding of natural beauty, community, inspiration, courage and justice is as real at it gets. Thank God for religious freedom and for those who gave their lives to uphold it.

One more note: Now that I've embraced the notion that a ritual is simply a repeated action that has a deeper meaning beyond the physical and has a beginning, a middle and an end, I have been empowered to celebrate and even create my own family rituals. (Learned this at the 2006 Meadville Lombard Winter Institute.)

A Sweet June Day to all,
Elizabeth

One Heart Attack, Two Arteries and Three Stents

exUUberance@gmail.com (Elizabeth J. Barrett) — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 03:14:00 +0000

My world has been very small since Thursday because Sam (my spouse) had a heart attack. He comes home from the hospital tomorrow with two newly-opened arteries, nitroglycerine tablets and lots of information. He has a new role -- "cardiac patient" -- to add to all his other roles.

As scary as this journey has been, I know that our religion has made us stronger, more centered and more easily able to focus on the present than we would otherwise be. These qualities seem more essential than ever now.

But we're buoyed not only by Unitarian Universalism, but by our faith community, by the many people offering their help, support, thoughts and prayers, butternut squash soup and New Yorker cartoons. By watching a toddler push a footstool around the hospital room, being visited by a favorite minister and reading a lovely card from a baritone in our chorus.

Blessed be,
Elizabeth

Where Is the Love?

exUUberance@gmail.com (Elizabeth J. Barrett) — Thu, 29 May 2008 20:05:00 +0000

I watched the new DVD Listening To Experience, put out by the UUA. Listening To Experience features twelve parish ministers answering six big questions about growing congregations. At one point during the DVD, the ministers begin to discuss the love they have for their congregations, emphasizing that without that love, they wouldn't be effective religious leaders for their congregations, wouldn't have the energy for the hard work and certainly not the vision and growth they've had. One of the ministers said that new clergy ought not to accept calls with congregations with whom they have not fallen in love!

Following up on the DVD, Tandi Rogers Koerger has an article in the current (pre-GA) issue of The Religious Leader called "Love Or Infatuation." Koerger asks some pointed questions to help clergy determine whether they feel mature love or merely infatuation for their congregations:

Would I be able to let this congregation go if I believed it were the best thing?
Am I willing to wait for this congregation if they are not ready to grow?
Do I respect and admire this religious community?
If I were in an argument with my lay leaders, would I still feel the same way?

According to Koerger, mature love lasts through the difficult times, even through a decline in membership. Each party accepts the imperfection of the other, finds joy in giving as well as receiving and feels a responsibility toward the other's well-being. Most importantly (to me), both parties are honest and trustworthy.

I remember listening several years ago to a minister describe his former congregants: how they lined up after worship services to tell him what he did wrong and how they relied on him to plan his own installation party. "It wasn't a good fit," was his diplomatic explanation. I saw it differently: they didn't love him the way we did.

May we all experience mature love,
Elizabeth

A Test of Commitment: My Cat Has Diabetes

exUUberance@gmail.com (Elizabeth J. Barrett) — Tue, 20 May 2008 19:38:00 +0000

My large neutered male tabby cat, Shadow, has been diagnosed with diabetes. This means twice-daily insulin shots: 4 units with a little syringe at 8 AM and 8 PM. Surprise! I've had Shadow for nine years, I think. Got him from my sister Margaret when her life involved multiple addresses at apartments from Manhattan to Pacific Beach (California). Until now, he's always been low maintenance: not interested in escaping or getting treats or diving into freshly-dryed laundry or vomiting on our white rug or draping himself across my shoulders (thank God, because he weighs fourteen pounds). Totally unlike my other cat. Shadow enjoys laps, guests with large purses, kibble, being chased and getting brushed. Completely reasonable!

This twice-daily insulin ritual requires an adjustment on my part. Not on Shadow's because he doesn't even notice the injection! What am I learning from this? Well, my belief about pets has always been that once we aquire one, we must remain committed and responsible. I remember thinking long and hard before getting a kitten back in 1995, because a kitten could be a 25-year responsibility and would include having to live only in places that allow cats and never dating anyone allergic to them. (Yes, I was single back then.)

Our commitments get tested all the time. I've certainly had that happen over and over as a lay leader. The first time I had to miss a Madison festival because of a Covenant Group Ministry facillitator training, I complained loudly beforehand, "Shit! My paid job never conflicted with a festival!" But, the training was absolutely wonderful: fulfilling and fun, and the first time I facillated a training (fantastically). Came home exhausted and had to lie on the couch for two hours to recover, but was really proud of myself for rising to the challenge.

Since then, I've missed a number of events because of my church responsibilities, but have found them worth it. We'll see if I feel that way next month, when I'll have to miss part of the National Women's Music Festival for a leadership orientation at my church.

But back to having to give my cat an injection twice a day, every day -- good heavens, it is almost 8 PM. Responsibility calls.

Elizabeth

"We Live Within God" -- Marcus Borg

exUUberance@gmail.com (Elizabeth J. Barrett) — Tue, 13 May 2008 20:38:00 +0000

Theologian Marcus Borg spoke in Madison recently. I've read Meeting Jesus Again for the First Time, but not heard the Borg before. He explained "progressive Christianity" as being centered in God, concerned with our life on earth, inclusive, respectful of other faiths, seeing the Bible as metaphor and/or in a historical context and mainly trying to live like Jesus lived. Aspiring to live a life of compassion, equality and justice here on earth!

When Dr. Borg finished, I looked at my list of attributes of progressive Christianity and realized that none of them contradicts Unitarian Universalism. In fact, the attributes sound exactly like UUism to me! Obviously, believing that Jesus is divine is not part of progressive Christianity -- it's not about beliefs, it is about actions. I loved the talk, of course. I had heard rumors before that progressive Christians don't focus on the Afterlife or the divinity of Jesus or believe that God is omnipotent, but hadn't heard all this from the mouth of a progressive Christian (don't get out much, I guess).

Someone asked about believing in God during the Q&A time. "Isn't this based on a belief in God, so you need to believe in God in order to be a progressive Christian?" Borg basically said No! He said that God is the indescribable, the essence of what is -- the "is-ness." Our life here is God; we live within God. It doesn't make sense to say that there isn't an "is" -- we're all experiencing being here right now. That is how Borg describes God -- in the most broad way possible.

I felt great for several days after hearing Borg. Even now, the declaration "we live within God" feels good. It calms and centers me (especially if I'm outside or can look out a window at a living expression of nature).

Too bad more Madison Unitarian Universalists did not attend, because many of them think that there is only one type of Christian (the Fundamentalist). Unfortunately, it cost $50 to hear Marcus Borg give his talks ( lunch was included). Sam didn't go -- just me, because $100 would be too much to spend on a lecture.

I'm gazing out the window at apple blossoms. It's especially wonderful to live within God during May!
Elizabeth

Being "Childfree" on Mother's Day

exUUberance@gmail.com (Elizabeth J. Barrett) — Mon, 12 May 2008 02:36:00 +0000

Happy Mother's Day to all mothers and Happy Not-a-Mom Day, too! I am "childfree," "childless by choice," not a mother, a woman who decided not to have children. I sometimes feel surrounded by mothers and grandmothers, especially in May when it seems that almost every woman I know at my UU congregation is a mom. I spent a good chunk of this weekend at a training on non-violent communication with twelve moms and just one other non-mom. (No men came to the training.) Children and grandchildren were discussed at length, of course. Many women had plans to see their families for Mother's Day or had just come back from seeing them.

Somehow, when I was a child, I learned that having children would limit a woman's choices -- her chances of graduating from college, having a middle class lifestyle, and being able to do what she wanted would be greatly reduced by having children. (Yes, I grew up in the 1970's, becoming an adult in the early 1980's.) I witnessed high school girls dropping out because of pregnancy, their dreams for the future forgotten. That's how I saw it, anyway!

I was determined never to have children right up until age 28, when I began to think that perhaps having a child would not be so bad. Everyone had aways assured me that I would love my own kid, even if I "hated children." Funny how people are so sure of this!

In contemporary US society, not having children is more accepted than ever before. I find, though, that at church a woman in her 30s and 40s is assumed to be a mother. It's as if people assume that women in this age range would not be at church if it weren't that they need religious education for the kids. Hey, I'm here for me! Yes, my own faith development, my need for community, my hunger for justice, my wish to connect with the sacred bring me to a faith community.

It's all about me, I guess. Good thing I'm not a mother....
Elizabeth

A Feminist Seder with Neighbors

exUUberance@gmail.com (Elizabeth J. Barrett) — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 22:20:00 +0000

Sam and I were invited to a Feminist Seder by our dear neighbors, complete with honoring Miriam (instead of Elijah) and having a large orange in the center of the Seder plate. Susan Heschel first introduced the orange as a symbol of the fruitfulness for all Jews when lesbians and gay men are included in Jewish life. The tradition morphed into being about empowerment for women.

Celebrating Pesach in a Jewish home is infinitely more meaningful. The prayers really spoke to me this time, in Ricki and Jane's living room, at the long table set on an angle, an extra foursome on the couch (with Seth on the footstool). We contributed bowls and five forks. The bed served as an extra buffet, covered in casserole dishes.

We make do with what we have, remembering our strength and resourcefulness so that we know we can handle whatever happens. We may have to struggle and endure hardship, but we will survive. The family Haggadah included remembering how we've grown and become more free this year and dedicating ourselves to pursuing freedom and wholeness this year. Here is part of the Haggadah: "We can use our own experience to accept ourselves just the way we are. We have in this Seder a chance to create a community of Jewish and non-Jewish people that will welcome and embrace all people."

Right before the Korech (making the sandwich), we recited a blessing:

For the times when we do not know which way to go, but move forward anyway;
For the times when immediate action is the easy answer, and we wait and let the truth ripen;
For the times when we have a hunch, a flash, a knowing that comes to us without our knowledge, and we use these things to guide us;
For movement, despite our fears, despite their obstacles and delays, in times when movement means growth and life.

Several families came together for this celebration of spring and freedom. Ricki was the only one of us raised Jewish, raised with a more traditional Seder where girls were relatively passive. Her most vivid memories are of running around, trying to find the hidden afikomen. This time, she and the children hid the afikomen so well that we had to play "hot and cold" to find it!

Thanks to Jane, Ricki and Marka for a beautiful Seder!
Elizabeth

What Comes After Answering The Question?

exUUberance@gmail.com (Elizabeth J. Barrett) — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 17:21:00 +0000

Great news! I got asked the question, "What is Unitarian Universalism?" by a seeker. While I was working (getting paid actual money) as a church administrator, someone telephoned to ask that. Yes! And, I wasn’t in an elevator, so there was time for the conversation. You know what I found out? Answering the question is much less important than listening to the other person's reply.

All this business about having a short stellar speech leaves out the fact that those who might want to join with us need us to listen to their stories: their struggles and hopes, their fears and their sense of the holy. And we need to be prepared to listen with our full attention and compassion!

The crucial part in my interaction with the caller, a young woman, was my validation of her. I only said two sentences about UUism, after which the young woman told me a little about herself, her religious background, her spiritual outlook and what she wants in a church. She lives a block from the UU congregation where I work. I told her about the next two Sunday worship services and that she might really like it. Before we hung up, she expressed her enjoyment of the conversation and said that she would check us out on Sunday.

Here is what I said: UUism has its roots in Christianity, but now we’ve broadening into a liberal religion where our individual beliefs are not that important. What is important is that we are seekers on a spiritual journey who come together to help each other on that journey and help make the world a better place. See, not at all stellar.

That conversation made my day! The only hard part was telling the young woman that I won't be there Sunday, because the next step after such a conversation would be to welcome a seeker in person at church. Except on Sunday, I'll be across town at the UU congregation where I'm a member.

Compassionate listening, everyone!
Elizabeth

Worship Service or UU Variety Show?

exUUberance@gmail.com (Elizabeth J. Barrett) — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 01:50:00 +0000

I recently attempted to describe my idea for a UU variety show, sort of a UU version of A Prairie Home Companion with musical acts, singers, skits, jokes and stories. And, we would sing a few of our favorite hymns ("Now Let Us Sing" and "Blue Boat Home," for example).

One person said that he didn't see how this would be any different than a regular worship service. Good God -- could some of our worship services be confused with variety shows? Say it isn't so!

The typical worship service at my congregation does contain a myriad of elements: music, poetry, stories, singing, a sermon, a meditation and (once a month) joys and sorrows. But to consider it akin to a variety show? I think the sacred is invoked throughout our worship services, throughout the time we come together to hold up what is worthy (worth-ship). A feeling of reverence and acceptance envelops us during worship. We're accepted as we are, into beloved community with fellow seekers. Aaaaah!

Elizabeth

Will You Pray for Me?

exUUberance@gmail.com (Elizabeth J. Barrett) — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 13:44:00 +0000

I get asked, "Will you pray for me?" by cab drivers. It happens when I'm travelling to or from a UU function: invariably, the driver asks why I'm in town. "I'm here for a religious conference (or workshop or camp). A UU -- Unitarian Universalist -- Conference (or workshop or camp)!"

That is my stock answer. Notice that the question from folks is not "What is Unitarian Universalism?" Not at all! "Pray for me?" is the question, half in jest, but half earnest, too. What's my answer? "Yes! What is your name?" Because if I send gratitude and hope out from my mind to John, that is a type of prayer. When I do metta meditation for someone or just close my eyes and whisper, "May Jake have a good day," I am praying. To me, sending intentional positive energy out into the world is a way of praying.

The first time I heard "Pray for me," I felt compelled to explain that the word "prayer" is controversial for UUs and blah, blah, blah, on and on. That was eight years ago, at the Nashville General Assembly. I've learned a lot since then!

What about this new Ad campaign from the UUA: When in doubt: Pray. When in prayer: doubt? I don't know why this was chosen, but this prayer/doubt dichotomy has everyone buzzing. From what I know of liberal theology, doubt and faith have a long history together. The writings of Martin Buber and William James include this.

Over the last ten years or so, there has been an explosion of books about belief, prayer and doubt and how one complements the other. Many, many people have trouble with prayer because they don't have a clear idea about prayer -- do you have to believe in God to pray? I think the national marketing campaign taps into this question that many folks have.

Another thing that the general population seems to believe is that laughter is not allowed in church. Many people think of "churches" as somber, serious places. The national marketing campaign lets people know the importance UUs in general place on joy and humor.

We UUs tend to do everything amidst a storm of controversy, I've noticed. That can be good or very bad, depending on how you look at it.

Pray for me, okay?
Elizabeth