I was just reading about Personal Slanguage on another blog, referring to slang and made-up terms that enjoy use by a group of friends or family members and sometimes spread wider. I'm glad to know that there is a term for this because I have a couple:
Sampagne -- this is sparkling cider or any type of non-alcoholic champagne. (Martinelli's is one brand.) My spouse Sam does not drink, but loves this stuff. Any time we're having champagne (even at our wedding), we also have Sampagne on hand.
Leg Wrapper -- this refers to something that a woman finds sexy: because it makes her want to wrap her legs around someone. I made this up as a movie review term, so I could clue my girlfriends into date movies, but a book or other media could be a leg wrapper, also.
Cheers,
Elizabeth
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Joys & Sorrows for 500 (with Kids)
I've been present twice for Joys and Sorrows in our new Atrium Auditorium. Imagine a free-standing candelabra-type structure with ten cups for candles, arranged in a spiral. Two of these, a standing microphone and a minister holding a lit taper worked quite well for our ritual. No more putting candles into a small bowl of sand!
This past Sunday, I shared a joy (so I won't go up again for awhile). It felt great, but the best part was having children participate in Joys and Sorrows with their parents, lighting candles while their parents expressed milestones. Now that children are present during the first part of every worship service, they can get familiar with more of our rituals.
Of course, I heard a rumor that some people are unhappy with children being present. Some are unhappy that we are still doing Joys and Sorrows. I enjoy both and understand their importance to our congregation.
Elizabeth
This past Sunday, I shared a joy (so I won't go up again for awhile). It felt great, but the best part was having children participate in Joys and Sorrows with their parents, lighting candles while their parents expressed milestones. Now that children are present during the first part of every worship service, they can get familiar with more of our rituals.
Of course, I heard a rumor that some people are unhappy with children being present. Some are unhappy that we are still doing Joys and Sorrows. I enjoy both and understand their importance to our congregation.
Elizabeth
Monday, October 27, 2008
A big-enough Auditorium
My hUUge congregation in Madison finally has a large sanctuary (named the "Atrium Auditorium"). We have 1500 adult members; our new space seats 500 people. So, with the three worship services we have: Hallelujah and come on in! I haven't invited any Madison friends to come to FUS in a very long time -- not for ten years. Every time I wanted to, I would remember all the caveats: you'll need to park a block away and walk, so wear comfortable shoes; we'll try to save you a seat, but if you don't make it by three minutes 'till we will have to give your seat to someone else; if no one speaks to you, it's not that we're unfriendly, we just have a lot of introverts here; after the service, we have fellowship in a long, narrow hallway, so it will be difficult, but if you keep your arms to your sides and stay right behind me, I'll take you to the coffee....
More later,
Elizabeth
More later,
Elizabeth
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Greeting As Ministry
I "attended" an online workshop called "Ten Bright Ideas for Getting Your Church Ready for Fall," sponsored by three UUA districts: Central Midwest, Prairie Star and Heartland. Great workshop! The idea I loved the most was the first one: Greeting As Ministry:
Have greeters who see their work as a ministry, not a chore. Ideally, a greeter knows many members by name, is very warm and personable and greets everyone, not just adults. The most crucial time to be friendly is right after the service ends, so have greeters and others continue to greet after the service. Have a Welcoming Team that includes some phantom greeters: members who volunteer to assist with greeting both before and after the service, but are not the "official" greeters.
Great tips, no? For some of us, greeting is fulfilling and fun. I'm an extravert (surprise) and get quite a charge from being that friendly, smiling person who can greet members by name and welcome visitors. The more difficult piece is engaging first-time visitors after the service. I have an easier time when I ask how they felt/what they thought of the worship service and perhaps find out their church background and what they're looking for in a faith community.
I'm a huge fan of the phantom greeter idea, because having a specific role to play can make us more effective: designated phantom greeters will notice new people before and during the service so that they're ready to seek them out afterwards. Maybe a good idea for large congregations would be to have a phantom greeter in each section of the sanctuary? Ideally, this would be in addition to the official section greeter. My hUUge congregation doesn't have those, but some congregations do.
Do any UU congregations give welcome bags with gifts to visitors? Some relatives of ours recently brought home a welcome bag from their visit to a large Episcopal congregation. The bag contained a blessing, several informational flyers and a jar of preserves bought at our farmer's market. Wow! This church has an enormous building with a Cathedral-like sanctuary that was about half-full, my relatives said. I went to a Unity church once that had a tradition of giving first-time visitors flowers. That was wonderful, except that after the service no one spoke to me or my flower!
Autumnal greetings,
Elizabeth
Have greeters who see their work as a ministry, not a chore. Ideally, a greeter knows many members by name, is very warm and personable and greets everyone, not just adults. The most crucial time to be friendly is right after the service ends, so have greeters and others continue to greet after the service. Have a Welcoming Team that includes some phantom greeters: members who volunteer to assist with greeting both before and after the service, but are not the "official" greeters.
Great tips, no? For some of us, greeting is fulfilling and fun. I'm an extravert (surprise) and get quite a charge from being that friendly, smiling person who can greet members by name and welcome visitors. The more difficult piece is engaging first-time visitors after the service. I have an easier time when I ask how they felt/what they thought of the worship service and perhaps find out their church background and what they're looking for in a faith community.
I'm a huge fan of the phantom greeter idea, because having a specific role to play can make us more effective: designated phantom greeters will notice new people before and during the service so that they're ready to seek them out afterwards. Maybe a good idea for large congregations would be to have a phantom greeter in each section of the sanctuary? Ideally, this would be in addition to the official section greeter. My hUUge congregation doesn't have those, but some congregations do.
Do any UU congregations give welcome bags with gifts to visitors? Some relatives of ours recently brought home a welcome bag from their visit to a large Episcopal congregation. The bag contained a blessing, several informational flyers and a jar of preserves bought at our farmer's market. Wow! This church has an enormous building with a Cathedral-like sanctuary that was about half-full, my relatives said. I went to a Unity church once that had a tradition of giving first-time visitors flowers. That was wonderful, except that after the service no one spoke to me or my flower!
Autumnal greetings,
Elizabeth
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Joys and Sorrows: Controversial!!
The topic of Joys and Sorrows came up on the UU Leaders listserv. It seems that congregational experts view J&S as small church behavior that we have got to eradicate if we want growth. Several years back, Stefan Jonasson came to FUS of Madison and announced that we were the largest UU congregation on this continent still doing Joys & Sorrows. It is funny to think of my congregation as this renegade, but we have not had the problems with J&S that other congregations report. In fact, we love it.
It works for us because we have trained lay ministers at the services to respond to folks and offer support after worship in addition to our regular members and (sometimes) ministers. It's crucial that people feel listened to, as we all know. It's even better when people are asked, "What can we do to help you?"
Of course, we also do J&S in such a way as to strongly discourage any acting out. We have many subtle boundaries that keep it contained. We have J&S only once a month, now the fourth Sunday of each month, near the end of the worship service when people are already looking at their watches. A worship leader introduces the time as "a few minutes," "not for announcements or political statements," etc. We have a small bowl of sand and about twelve candles -- that's it!
Everyone who attends knows that we're a HUUGE congregation and knows that we have to keep it short. Folks are careful not to go up too often, because none of us wants to be known as someone who "always" has a J or S. If someone does speak for too long or make an announcement, s/he gets a gentle reminder. Also, many people are not comfortable speaking into a microphone in front of hundreds of people. All these factors mean that people only go up for really big milestones and that we do not have too many J&S -- or at least that's the way it has been in the fifteen years I've been attending.
I've been reading that J&S isn't good in a large congregation because of the intimidation factor. Certainly, all the above factors probably do intimidate some folks who would never go up themselves, but people who don't participate sometimes seek out those who did after the service to say, "I'm going through that, too." And of course, the worship leader always lights one last candle "for all those joys and sorrows that are unspoken, but remain in our hearts and minds." One of our former ministers referred to J&S as "the real stuff of religion." Rev. Darrel calls it the central sacrament of the beloved community.
The truth is that people do feel connected during our monthly ritual, despite our numbers. Most of us choose one of our three services and attend that one and eventually see (at least) a handful of familiar faces every week, so we are not a group of complete strangers for long. First-time visitors sometimes share something, so I know that we're not totally scary to new folks!
Perhaps another reason our way works for us is that the two other Madison UU congregations have J&S also, but every week. So, it seems like a normal thing to do. At James Reeb UU Congregation, we have a long, narrow trough on legs that easily fits twenty candles. (I need to find out the proper name for that thing -- "trough on legs" does not sound quite right!) At Prairie UU Society, they don't use candles, but speak from their seats after being called upon.
For me, J&S is a very meaningful ritual. It was so important to me to announce my engagement during J&S, light a candle of hope (when trying IVF), light one for my brother's brain injury, my sister's illness, my father's lung cancer and death, Sam's heart attack and my fabulous new job. I'm very careful not to go up too often (and my memory is still working well enough that I know when I've been up and whether or not I spoke).
Way back in 1996, I first shared a joy at FUS, about finally being ready -- three years after my cat died -- to get a new kitten. I was finally over the guilt of having my elderly cat (with a thyroid tumor) put to sleep. You know, some folks snickered at me. Yes, I got laughed at by a few men in our congregation. But, after the service a couple tracked me down during coffee to ask about my cat and tell me about the death of their sixteen-year-old feline.
At James Reeb,where I work, I don't feel a need to light a candle. There, my participation is as the administrator, so I'm noting what is happening for people and praying for them or celebrating with them the whole time, rather than thinking of myself. It feels freeing and reminds me that J&S is not really about us as individuals -- it is a way to sense the connections, the God in between us all as we celebrate and mourn together.
Blessed Be and Amen,
Elizabeth
It works for us because we have trained lay ministers at the services to respond to folks and offer support after worship in addition to our regular members and (sometimes) ministers. It's crucial that people feel listened to, as we all know. It's even better when people are asked, "What can we do to help you?"
Of course, we also do J&S in such a way as to strongly discourage any acting out. We have many subtle boundaries that keep it contained. We have J&S only once a month, now the fourth Sunday of each month, near the end of the worship service when people are already looking at their watches. A worship leader introduces the time as "a few minutes," "not for announcements or political statements," etc. We have a small bowl of sand and about twelve candles -- that's it!
Everyone who attends knows that we're a HUUGE congregation and knows that we have to keep it short. Folks are careful not to go up too often, because none of us wants to be known as someone who "always" has a J or S. If someone does speak for too long or make an announcement, s/he gets a gentle reminder. Also, many people are not comfortable speaking into a microphone in front of hundreds of people. All these factors mean that people only go up for really big milestones and that we do not have too many J&S -- or at least that's the way it has been in the fifteen years I've been attending.
I've been reading that J&S isn't good in a large congregation because of the intimidation factor. Certainly, all the above factors probably do intimidate some folks who would never go up themselves, but people who don't participate sometimes seek out those who did after the service to say, "I'm going through that, too." And of course, the worship leader always lights one last candle "for all those joys and sorrows that are unspoken, but remain in our hearts and minds." One of our former ministers referred to J&S as "the real stuff of religion." Rev. Darrel calls it the central sacrament of the beloved community.
The truth is that people do feel connected during our monthly ritual, despite our numbers. Most of us choose one of our three services and attend that one and eventually see (at least) a handful of familiar faces every week, so we are not a group of complete strangers for long. First-time visitors sometimes share something, so I know that we're not totally scary to new folks!
Perhaps another reason our way works for us is that the two other Madison UU congregations have J&S also, but every week. So, it seems like a normal thing to do. At James Reeb UU Congregation, we have a long, narrow trough on legs that easily fits twenty candles. (I need to find out the proper name for that thing -- "trough on legs" does not sound quite right!) At Prairie UU Society, they don't use candles, but speak from their seats after being called upon.
For me, J&S is a very meaningful ritual. It was so important to me to announce my engagement during J&S, light a candle of hope (when trying IVF), light one for my brother's brain injury, my sister's illness, my father's lung cancer and death, Sam's heart attack and my fabulous new job. I'm very careful not to go up too often (and my memory is still working well enough that I know when I've been up and whether or not I spoke).
Way back in 1996, I first shared a joy at FUS, about finally being ready -- three years after my cat died -- to get a new kitten. I was finally over the guilt of having my elderly cat (with a thyroid tumor) put to sleep. You know, some folks snickered at me. Yes, I got laughed at by a few men in our congregation. But, after the service a couple tracked me down during coffee to ask about my cat and tell me about the death of their sixteen-year-old feline.
At James Reeb,where I work, I don't feel a need to light a candle. There, my participation is as the administrator, so I'm noting what is happening for people and praying for them or celebrating with them the whole time, rather than thinking of myself. It feels freeing and reminds me that J&S is not really about us as individuals -- it is a way to sense the connections, the God in between us all as we celebrate and mourn together.
Blessed Be and Amen,
Elizabeth
Monday, July 28, 2008
Candlelight Vigils in Support
Like many Unitarian Universalists, I went to a candlelight vigil at a local UU congregation this evening to express my sympathy, grief and empathy for the people of the Tennessee Valley UU Church (and some compassion for the shooter).
Safety was a theme at the vigil, how before, we viewed our sanctuary as the safest place, the place where we would be accepted, the place where we could relax. I mean, really relax -- enough to pray, to meditate, to cry, to be vulnerable, knowing the peace of being held by the interdependent web of existence.
Now the web seems to be unravelling. The tragedy occurred in just a few minutes, but now life is forever altered for those grieving and struggling to understand why and how. What about the children who witnessed this violence? How will they make sense of it?
I have so many questions, including: how will this change the way Unitarian Universalists act in the world? As UUs, we're admonished that it is not enough to show up for worship services -- no, we're supposed to be out walking the talk, letting others know where we stand, speaking up for equality and justice. Will we keep doing that, especially those UUs who live in conservative places? Once I heard Rosemany Bray McNatt speak about activism and how some people can be on the front lines, but others cannot. She gave the example of a woman responsible for raising children as someone who cannot afford to be involved in activism that could become threatening.
Except now we know that yesterday morning in Knoxville, being present for a UU service (a children's play, for God's sake) meant being in a life or death situation.
May our faith guide us toward healing as we pray for our fellow UUs,
Elizabeth
Safety was a theme at the vigil, how before, we viewed our sanctuary as the safest place, the place where we would be accepted, the place where we could relax. I mean, really relax -- enough to pray, to meditate, to cry, to be vulnerable, knowing the peace of being held by the interdependent web of existence.
Now the web seems to be unravelling. The tragedy occurred in just a few minutes, but now life is forever altered for those grieving and struggling to understand why and how. What about the children who witnessed this violence? How will they make sense of it?
I have so many questions, including: how will this change the way Unitarian Universalists act in the world? As UUs, we're admonished that it is not enough to show up for worship services -- no, we're supposed to be out walking the talk, letting others know where we stand, speaking up for equality and justice. Will we keep doing that, especially those UUs who live in conservative places? Once I heard Rosemany Bray McNatt speak about activism and how some people can be on the front lines, but others cannot. She gave the example of a woman responsible for raising children as someone who cannot afford to be involved in activism that could become threatening.
Except now we know that yesterday morning in Knoxville, being present for a UU service (a children's play, for God's sake) meant being in a life or death situation.
May our faith guide us toward healing as we pray for our fellow UUs,
Elizabeth
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Wrestling With Adulthood: UU Men Talk about Growing Up
Wrestling With Adulthood: Unitarian Universalist Men Talk about Growing Up is a book of essays, one of which was just published in UU World: "Finding my path..." by Manish Mishra. Mishra really bares his soul in this essay -- I actually felt embarrassed while reading it, as if I should not know such intimate details of this man's life.
Mishra contrasts the certainty he had about his life with his later discoveries, demonstrating how he inadvertently chose both the wrong career and the wrong life partner ("vocation and human connection") when in his early twenties. At the time, of course, he was completely convinced that he was doing the right thing. Does this sound familiar to any of you?
Now, Mishra realizes that he entered into both the career and the partnership without knowing who he was or what he wanted. Perhaps for some of us, we have to choose the wrong things in order to find out what we really do want. Nothing fuels self-discovery like being miserable. It provides such great incentive! But, really, how could anyone possibly make permanent decisions when only twenty years old?
When I was nineteen, I was completely sure I was marrying my life partner. People asked how I was so sure, but my answer was, "When it's right, you know it." That is a line from a beer commercial, I think! In reality, I did not realize at the time why I was drawn to that man. It wasn't for the best reasons. There is a term for relationships in which folks marry young, don't have children, then divorce before they're thirty: the starter marriage.
Some people complain about "extended adolescence" that seems to grip so many of us, but I think it is great. Life expectancy is longer than ever, so waiting until 30 or 35 to become a responsible, settled adult is perfectly reasonable.
Enough of this -- let's play kickball!
Elizabeth
Mishra contrasts the certainty he had about his life with his later discoveries, demonstrating how he inadvertently chose both the wrong career and the wrong life partner ("vocation and human connection") when in his early twenties. At the time, of course, he was completely convinced that he was doing the right thing. Does this sound familiar to any of you?
Now, Mishra realizes that he entered into both the career and the partnership without knowing who he was or what he wanted. Perhaps for some of us, we have to choose the wrong things in order to find out what we really do want. Nothing fuels self-discovery like being miserable. It provides such great incentive! But, really, how could anyone possibly make permanent decisions when only twenty years old?
When I was nineteen, I was completely sure I was marrying my life partner. People asked how I was so sure, but my answer was, "When it's right, you know it." That is a line from a beer commercial, I think! In reality, I did not realize at the time why I was drawn to that man. It wasn't for the best reasons. There is a term for relationships in which folks marry young, don't have children, then divorce before they're thirty: the starter marriage.
Some people complain about "extended adolescence" that seems to grip so many of us, but I think it is great. Life expectancy is longer than ever, so waiting until 30 or 35 to become a responsible, settled adult is perfectly reasonable.
Enough of this -- let's play kickball!
Elizabeth
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